Quick Update

Since I left my last entry open ended... here is a quick update since I am really needing to get to bed; 4:40 am is going to come really quickly!

I am finally feeling better tonight, both mentally and physically. I learned years ago, but stress really takes a toll on my body. Today was much better at work. Still have not discussed any staffing issues. I think my supervisor knows she pushed me too far and stressed me out too much, so she has been pretty hands off Monday & Tuesday. She actually called me to have lunch with her today and we just had a pretty chit-chatty lunch, which is a good sign from her. I was still absolutely exhausted last night from both work and drain of the stress. Was in bed by 9:00 and passed-out asleep by 9:30. Really had a difficult time making myself go to Yoga this morning because I was still exhausted, but I went and I am really glad that I did. I think it really helped to get my day off to a little better start.

I have continued to look over possible staffing plans or ways to handle the situation yesterday and today and slowly but surely I am developing a plan in my head how I can address and handle everything; I feel good that my thoughts are starting to form some kind of organization and plan. I just have such a "necessity" and "drive" to have everything organized constantly. I guess I feel like I am on a see-saw right now. I am in a position where I am having to wing things a lot and just take things one day at a time... but my personality is one that I am a planner and must have things in order. It's really tough.

Still through everything, I think I have some "nagging" insecurities lingering in the back of my mind about the adoption process. I think the "Adoption Readiness Seminar" that we attend a couple of weeks ago, actually made me more anxious and concerned about the process working than completely reassuring me. I exchanged an e-mail with our social worker today, and I think that I am going to visit with her more about that the ARS actually made us more anxious about the process rather than reassuring us. I explained a little in my blog by voicing some of the unfairness to this process; but, now that we are further removed from the ARS and back to stress of everyday things like work, I realize that the seminar we attend actually stimulated some of my thought process to how unfair the adoption process is.

You can probably debate... Yes, "adoption readiness" does include acknowledging the unfairness to the process... but as I think about it, it should also make us comfortable with the unfairness (yes, an oxymoron; but can make sense if you think about it). The seminar should NOT have made us more anxious. I guess I just feel like I should being something productive. Right now I am feeling good about trying to provide some "constructive criticism" to our social worker that some of the issues addressed in our seminar could have and should have been handled quite differently. We should not have left there feeling somewhat "tired and beat-up."

Anyways, off to bed for me... as always, I have too many thoughts and words circulating through my head. :) Good night, sleep tight.

PS -- Just read my horoscope again. I hadn't read it for several months until this weekend... but now I am a little addicted because it's weird and very conincidental at how it is reflecting my thoughts about work right now. I guess it just goes to show how you can make it work for whatever is going on in your life.

It's challenging for you to share your big ideas today because you know how delicate your overall plan is in its beginning stages. Unfortunately, you probably haven't had enough time to fill in all the details and you don't want everyone else's input until you're sure of your own thoughts. Don't be in such a hurry; slowing down and solidifying your strategy is smarter than telling everyone what you're going to do. Start on the ground floor and work your way up.

And, YES, I did read the horoscope after I typed my previous blog for tonight!