A couple of weeks ago, I posted a status update on my Facebook page that asked for people to describe me in one word. I was truly touched and flattered by all the responses. It was a fun and reassuring thing to do.
It’s hard not to go through all this infertility and adoption process without a lot of self-reflection for two reasons. First, you are expected to, or rather, must answer many different questions regarding your emotional, mental, physical, and financial status for both processes. Secondly, it is just human nature to try to process everything that is going on around you and in your life. On a personal level, I have been feeling more disconnected from those around me over the past couple of months… whether it is imagined or real, I am not rally sure. For now, I have just kind of chalked it up to that is one of the illusions experienced along this roller-coaster ride. However, in my conscious efforts to stay connected in our everyday life… I feel that some of not-so-positive aspects of my personality are coming through more often. Some changes I have noticed in myself… I am more sarcastic and cynical, I get easily annoyed on a daily basis, my tolerance with other peoples’ problems has decreased, my feelings are much more fragile, and my need for input and social connectivity with others has increased. I think all of these traits just goes back to a word that a friend used to describe me about a month ago… RAW. With all the ups and downs of this roller-coaster ride… it is so hard to recover from one moment to another and our reserves are depleted.
However, back to my original activity -- I don’t know what compelled me to post and ask for one-word descriptions… but it came at the perfect time. It truly reminded me of how people always see the good in you… things that you don’t see or understand… and that an individual is truly their own worst critic.
Here are the words there were used to describe me * chatty * dedicated * steadfast * hard-worker * “laughable” * Mi Amor * inspiring * determined * verbose * RED * bubbly * precious * YOU * feisty * fearless * FUN! * loyal * genuine * teacher * nice *
Thank you to all of you who responded. Thank you to all of you for your continual support. Thank you to all of you who are putting up with my temperament these days as I am evolving during this phase of our life. Just trying to figure out who I am right now in this phase of life… and who I want to be in the next phase with the growth of our family. Honestly, on a day-to-day basis… we are fine. It’s the big picture that is kind of abstract right now.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Staying Busy -- It's a coping mechanism
Wow! Life has just been going by so quickly. As always, sorry that it has been a while since I have blogged. I think that I have been a mode recently where I just don’t want to “think” or process everything that is going on right now. I am just letting the days pass as they want. The key for me is keeping busy. It’s during the quiet times that the emotions of everything coming flooding in.
Let’s see… As of right now, we have not heard anything more about the adoption. I guess we are back into the lottery of other awaiting families. I have decided that this is much like a BINGO game as well… just waiting for your lucky number to be called. I still want to redo our profile, but at the same time, I am procrastinating. It’s just so tiring thinking about this whole process or even just have it lingering over your head for so long.
The other big change in our life right now, is that T has been placed on a new project…. in Springfield, Missouri. Yes, another state! It is about 7-hrs north-east of here. He is commuting to and from Springfield on the weekends. We found out a week ago Friday that he was needed on this project and he left that following Monday. We are now into week 2 of our new living arrangements. Right now, we are just relieved that he has a job and project to go to. Work is finally slowing down here in the metroplex and the pains of the current economic climate are being felt. We had been having some discussion between ourselves about what we would do if there was no project to go to. The company is taking care of us even under the tight economic circumstances. T gets a monthly living allowance and two round-trip plane tickets a month. The weekends in-between are on us. Doable.
For those of you who know me, you are probably all aware that I am a planner and do not like surprises of any kind. However, it’s weird how both of us have taken this move to Springfield in stride. A) the reality not hit us yet, B) after all that we have had to sort through this past year, this is nothing, or C) we are just relieved for T to still have a job; take your pick, maybe it’s all of the above, I really don’t know why this is moving along so well for the both of us. In the past, based on both of our personalities, it probably would not have gone this smoothly, to say the least.
The other thing that has made this “change” easier for us is that, ironically, I have an aunt and uncle that live in Springfield. It looks like things are going to work out for Tracy to stay with them over the next couple of months. They have generously opened their home for T to stay. This is really going to help us put more to our nest egg for a rainy day; hopefully, that rainy day will not come, but we have seen a few storm clouds on the horizon. Being able to really save over the next couple of months is giving us more confidence that we can make it and continue to make our monthly adoption payments for if the rainy day does happen in the near future
What I am keeping myself busy with. I am continuing to do my Bootcamp on M-W-F mornings. I continue to work on my endurance with running. I have now been able to successfully run a 5K in distance several times now, my time and mileage are both improving. My women’s covenant group has restarted at church. This is the 3rd year that we have met together; we all have become good friends. I help out with the youth program on Wednesday nights. NTDA is off to a great start and I have my monthly board and membership meetings to plan. I am making dinner plans with some good girl friends to catch-up with them.
Things that I want to get done in some of my “spare” time while T is working in Springfield include: 1) scanning some old pictures and negatives into electronic files; 2) start getting some our financial information organized gearing up for tax season (I think we are going to owe this year; 3) I have a ton of home filing to complete (if you open our office bureau, beware at the avalanche of paper that will fall down on-top of you); 4) I have some thank you notes and cards that I want to get mailed off to some friends; and 5) and couple of other extra projects that I want to work on. I want to start doing yoga more regularly and/or doing a bike spin class on T-Th when I am not at bootcamp. The logistics of this I am still trying to figure out. Anyways, I think that I am good to go in staying busy! I am also hoping to get back into a regular habit of updating the blog again… it is so good for me to journal in helping to sustain my mental and emotional reference points in life.
As always, thanks so much for all of your support. Take care!
Let’s see… As of right now, we have not heard anything more about the adoption. I guess we are back into the lottery of other awaiting families. I have decided that this is much like a BINGO game as well… just waiting for your lucky number to be called. I still want to redo our profile, but at the same time, I am procrastinating. It’s just so tiring thinking about this whole process or even just have it lingering over your head for so long.
The other big change in our life right now, is that T has been placed on a new project…. in Springfield, Missouri. Yes, another state! It is about 7-hrs north-east of here. He is commuting to and from Springfield on the weekends. We found out a week ago Friday that he was needed on this project and he left that following Monday. We are now into week 2 of our new living arrangements. Right now, we are just relieved that he has a job and project to go to. Work is finally slowing down here in the metroplex and the pains of the current economic climate are being felt. We had been having some discussion between ourselves about what we would do if there was no project to go to. The company is taking care of us even under the tight economic circumstances. T gets a monthly living allowance and two round-trip plane tickets a month. The weekends in-between are on us. Doable.
For those of you who know me, you are probably all aware that I am a planner and do not like surprises of any kind. However, it’s weird how both of us have taken this move to Springfield in stride. A) the reality not hit us yet, B) after all that we have had to sort through this past year, this is nothing, or C) we are just relieved for T to still have a job; take your pick, maybe it’s all of the above, I really don’t know why this is moving along so well for the both of us. In the past, based on both of our personalities, it probably would not have gone this smoothly, to say the least.
The other thing that has made this “change” easier for us is that, ironically, I have an aunt and uncle that live in Springfield. It looks like things are going to work out for Tracy to stay with them over the next couple of months. They have generously opened their home for T to stay. This is really going to help us put more to our nest egg for a rainy day; hopefully, that rainy day will not come, but we have seen a few storm clouds on the horizon. Being able to really save over the next couple of months is giving us more confidence that we can make it and continue to make our monthly adoption payments for if the rainy day does happen in the near future
What I am keeping myself busy with. I am continuing to do my Bootcamp on M-W-F mornings. I continue to work on my endurance with running. I have now been able to successfully run a 5K in distance several times now, my time and mileage are both improving. My women’s covenant group has restarted at church. This is the 3rd year that we have met together; we all have become good friends. I help out with the youth program on Wednesday nights. NTDA is off to a great start and I have my monthly board and membership meetings to plan. I am making dinner plans with some good girl friends to catch-up with them.
Things that I want to get done in some of my “spare” time while T is working in Springfield include: 1) scanning some old pictures and negatives into electronic files; 2) start getting some our financial information organized gearing up for tax season (I think we are going to owe this year; 3) I have a ton of home filing to complete (if you open our office bureau, beware at the avalanche of paper that will fall down on-top of you); 4) I have some thank you notes and cards that I want to get mailed off to some friends; and 5) and couple of other extra projects that I want to work on. I want to start doing yoga more regularly and/or doing a bike spin class on T-Th when I am not at bootcamp. The logistics of this I am still trying to figure out. Anyways, I think that I am good to go in staying busy! I am also hoping to get back into a regular habit of updating the blog again… it is so good for me to journal in helping to sustain my mental and emotional reference points in life.
As always, thanks so much for all of your support. Take care!
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