Resolution.

My early morning was interesting. We have a huge group in bootcamp right now. We have probably ~30+ people. I told T that if my first camp had been like this one, I am not sure I would have ever completed and/or enrolled in abother one.

So this morning, I was faced with many things I don't normally deal well with. 1) Large groups of strangers; 2) Competition (we did timed trials and participants were very competitive with each other); 3) Everyone was talking incessantly (Believe it or not, I really don't like to talk too much first thing in the am); and finally, 4) While doing chest presses, I was stuck between two girls talking about how wonderful motherhood is, how they are "planning" the next pregnancy, how hard pregnancy is on the body, and how "lucky" I am to have not experienced these changes to my body. Really? I just kind of tuned them out, smiled, and the focused on my heavy set of dumb bells. Even though all of this happened before 6:15 am, amazingly, I still left in a good mood! How? I have absolutely NO idea. :) I think it is because of the people that I have met their previously... they are such good and down to earth people. I feel like I am accepted for me. Serious, average, no make-up Keri.

Moving on to the rest of my day. I first want to say that I really I hate the saying patience is a virtue... even though I value and truly understand the truth of the statement! Each day that has gone by over the past week, I truly was just riding the waves at work. Drowning, but never the less continuing to tread water just enough to catch a breath here and there. Once again, a friend asked me... how can you be so patient with work? Once again, my answer was... what choice do I have? I have been in my position long enough that I know just to just give it time for things to work through themselves. Sadly, I doubt many of the conversations that were exchanged and resulted in conflict aren't even remembered.

Anyways, at least the knot in my stomach is finally gone and I feel like I have energy again (for now)... thank goodness! I have no idea what got things back on track, but they are (for now). We still don't have all the pieces in place... but at least we have a little bit of a back-up plan and have some more flexibility again. At least for now, I feel like we have the border completed to this messy puzzle of anticipation on the work front. Huge, I mean *HUGE* relief! I just hope the girl who is our "back-up" plan is going to be just as excited that we got somethings worked out. I am hoping to have a response by tomorrow.

Anyways, as mentioned last night, I also sent an e-mail to our social worker about how "worn down" we were after the adoption readiness seminar and gave examples of why it was so frustrating. I was able to provide some examples of resources we are looking for and would be helpful if presented. I also vocalized that it would be nice to acknowledge the "bitter-sweet" aspects of this process. So much was talked about the grief and difficulties of the birthmom, but very little was addressed about the grief of the adoptive families. Basically, all that was said is that the adoptive family should be "cautiously excited," but really? Excited is still has a positive connotation. I think that adoptive families are pictured as eagerly anticipating their adoption just like a pregnancy... to some extent this is true, but not really.

I think that the Adoption Readiness Seminar also should acknowledge the delicate emotional, grief, and financial aspects that is being balanced during this process would be helpful as well. I told her one of the reasons why we love our agency is because of all the support and focus that is provided for and with the birthmother. That because of all they do for her, it reassures me and is comforting to know that the birthmother has confidence, faith, peace, and closure in her decision to make her adoptive plan. But there needs to be more balance at the adoption readiness seminar in presenting information from both perspectives, birthmom's and adoptive families. Everything at our seminar was just presented from the birthmom's prospective.

Well... I need to be getting ready for bed. Morning is going to come really early and I do want to get to yoga. I am also starting my first day of my nutrition support curriculum and training for the new class of interns. I am really lucky that I have been able to serve in an "adjunct professor" position now since 2002. I cannot believe that I have been teaching Nutrition Support to grad students for 7-years now. Time just flies. I still love it and am so thankful for this opportunity. However, balancing this opportunity and our employee wellness/weight loss challenge at work, in addition to my "usual" work load has really added to everything.

I am really keeping my fingers crossed and hope that everything is on the downhill slide, for now. Resolution to stress has come for now.