Today is Over Again

Today was a little better. I still had problems holding myself together this morning at work. I just cried from pure exhaustion today vs. the feelings of frustration that was experienced yesterday. I think work is just completely overwhelming me right now. I feel that no one really understands what I do, let alone how much I do. The documentation, paperwork, and essentially CYA is very tiring and draining. The afternoon went by quickly. This was good because meant I could go home. However, I wasn't near as productive as I needed to be to completely finish my day at work. I am supposed to do an in-service in the morning that I haven't even started to prepare for... I guess I will be winging that one, too. I am just tired of winging things and flying by the seat of my pants. It is not in my personality type to do things that way... but I guess it must be done. Actually, I have surprised myself at how comfortable I have become at winging things.

I did enjoy this evening. I met a good friend at Starbucks from some "coffee." I had hot green tea (my hot beverage of choice). I rattled her ear off. I am finding a lot of enjoyment in my connections. I also met with a fellow in waiting parent this past weekend. This new found friendship and meeting helped me to be weirdly reassured and comforted by the statement "it is what it is." I probably rattled her ear off, too. Words cannot describe the feelings of relief found through these connections. It is a perfect example of you don't know what was missing in your life until new friendships and connections are established. I have always been a "relationship" focused and driven personality type, I didn't realize how starved I had become for deeper more intimate friendships over the past couple of years.

I just feel a drive in myself I haven't felt for a long time... I am just trying to find the right outlet in which I can productively and efficiently expend my energy. I feel as though I am almost there, but I am just short of reaching the outlet. I have a slight fear that there is a burnout just around the corner that I am trying to avoid. For now... I am just going to continue focus on what is renewing my energy... the relationships in my life.