Baby Steps

OK -- we took a big step. Friday night, after Bootcamp graduation dinner, we went to Babies-R-Us and purchased baby furniture. I am really excited about our purchase. It is a chest of drawers, dresser (changing table), and crib that is a "grow-with-you," bed. It feels weird to have made such a "major" purchase because it could be another year before it is used. It should be here in a couple of weeks. T has been working on the attic this weekend so that we can get some stuff from the "other" bedroom up there.

Once again, it felt weird being in Babies-R-Us because we were really the only ones that are not "expecting." We did have to search a little for a sales clerk, I am why aren't there employees ready for me in the baby furniture section at 8:30 on a Friday night? If they want my money, they should be ready for me... that was a little bit of my mentality at the time. Well, we finally found Sam. Sam was a very laid back and easy going employee, probably about mid-to-late twenties. Through just chit-chatting with him, his efficiency with placing our order, and thoroughly answering all of our questions about the purchase... We walked out of the store ~30 minutes later very excited about everything. I think I was more surprised that I was walking out of Babies-R-Us as a "very satisfied" customer more than anything else. Through Sam's genuine satisfaction with his job, he had honestly acknowledged what an "exciting" time this is for us. Furthermore, he seemed excited for our future as well. Sam truly helped to make our "bitter-sweet" experience of "needing" vs. "wanting" to prepare for our baby a very sweet and memorable one. For that I am thankful.

I was ready to get our baby furniture and start putting together the "basics" of our nursery. Honestly, I was afraid of getting some things and then in a few months resenting that we had this "stuff," but still no baby. I was afraid of finding something, liking something... and then second guessing myself after it got here. Now, that we have purchased it... I told T that I am glad that we did. I am glad that we purchased some "larger" items with absolutely nothing pending for an adoption. Had we purchased some of these items with an adoption "pending" and then for it to fall through, the items would be "tainted." I am glad that we have some of these items independently and without any potential attachment at this point in time. Part of me is a little "bitter" that these steps in life have to be rationalized, but for now... my peace and excitement are there and it feels good. Every time I think about our Babies-R-Us furniture buying experience and Sam, a smile does come to my face.

Deep down inside, I am also hoping to develop and create a "moment" for T and I. Since we will not have a "moment" in which we intimately share and announce that we are pregnant with our family and friends... I am looking forward to telling my parents that I have something I want to show them. I am day-dreaming about Easter weekend when they are here, and I can just quietly show them our reality and hopes by symbolically opening the door to our "other" bedroom. I know it might be cheesy, and I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment, but tradition, family memories, and sentiments are just something that I hold onto very closely. I have a plaque in our living room that says, "Home is where your story begins." As we continue to proceed with our everyday live, that quote basically sums it up... We are slowly trying to establish our home for the story of our family to begin.