Update

Everything has continued to move a long one day at a time. Bootcamp has started again for another 5-weeks. That feels good to be back into that routine. The scales have started to budge slightly down again, so that also feels good. Things are settling down at work, still can't complain. I have been kind of in a shopping mood lately... I think that I am probably self-treating with retail therapy. What else can I do to treat this "void" that is there? I know shopping isn't the most productive coping mechanism... and I really did need some new clothes because I have dropped about 2-sizes. I would like to say that some of my productive coping mechanisms do remain in place... I really do like working out and miss it when it doesn't happen. We continue to fill our time with quality friends and time with them. We continue to be enjoy what we do have in our life. I visited my little cross-stitch shop this past weekend to start a new project. I am trying to find some quality and intensive CEUs that will challenge me at work without being too expensive to attend/complete.

I e-mailed our social worker today to see if there is any news. I know there probably isn't, but I just wanted to touch base. It has been almost 4-weeks since we last heard anything about our profile. We continue to have some family drama on T's side of the family. The drama definitely overshadows the joys that we are trying to focus on and work towards in our lives. It's hard and there were more tears at work.

I read a friend's blog today and she couldn't have said it better. "People ask how I am doing, and I am not sure how to answer the question. I have no idea how I'm doing, I just know that I keep walking. One foot after the other." What's even more difficult is that when I am not doing so well... it's hard to say so. Mainly, because that is just who I am; it's not easy for me to talk about myself. On the other hand, I am probably too sensitive to the thoughts that if you tell others that you are struggling, they tend to start keeping their distance at a time you need them to stay the closest. I think that is one of the biggest frustrations I have with this whole process... if people know you are struggling, they keep their distance because they don't know what to say or respond... but if you say you are doing fine... it just keeps things on the inside. It's probably just a bigger deal in my mind than it is in reality, but I just can't get that thought process out of my head...

For now, I am just going to focus on that I can easily stay busy without much effort. For the most part, I enjoy my job... and I love just being around the house and we do have some pretty terrific friends. I feel good about myself and becoming healthy again. I would say that 90% of the time I am content, happy and positive with everything... I just don't know what to do with that other 10%... and it seems like that 10% hits hard when it does.

Well... I am off to a Southern Living party this evening. What can beat food, friends, and shopping all in one place? Hee... hee... kind of ironic about what I am getting ready to do considering this post. :)