Back on the Rollercoaster....

I really, really wish that I had more time to blog right now. Things continue to be really busy at work with our employee weight loss challenge/wellness program, teaching at TWU, and just life in general. However, I had been drawing comfort in staying busy and sticking to a routine. As I have said previously, my stress has decreased mainly because the environment has changed at work. Despite the encounter on Friday and not have my activity done 2 1/2 weeks ahead of time, things have been pretty mellow and not demanding. Thank goodness.

While I was at work today, for some reason my mind started wandering back to the adoption. I don't know, maybe someone asked something and I just skirted around the question. I really don't want to talk about it right now, because I know nothing. I then went through the "pep-talk" in my head... it's OK not to know anything, it's OK to not hear anything... this is just a part of the process and you went into this process knowing that it wouldn't happen overnight; you entered this process ready for the long haul (or so I tell myself). You only have been "officially" on the list since Dec/Jan and entered the program in Oct. I then went into my little pep talk that it will be OK if mom & dad will be overseas when this happens. If things haven't moved a long by this summer, then there is a good chance that my parents won't be in the country to help us welcome our baby home. I told myself this is OK, too. I will just cross that bridge when I get there... because once again, what choice do we have? I even tried telling myself that it is OK that nothing is happening right now because we are so busy.

Well... I got an e-mail from our social worker. Our profile is being viewed by a birth mother. At first I was really excited... and then my excitement faded again. She is probably looking at several profiles, not just ours. We have just been "initially matched" but she still needs to "choose" who she would like to visit and meet with, we have been "viewed" 2 times previously, with only one resulting in an interview, no visits. Really, a "viewing" doesn't mean anything at this time... or so I tell myself, to keep my hopes from getting too high. We are back on the roller coaster of emotions and thoughts... I am really just trying to stand outside of the ride, and watch... it's hard because I have no choice but to ride the roller coaster at this point in time. Everything had just settled down! I still wander about the previous birth mom we visited with... she will be forever on my mind and heart and I pray that things are working out for her as well.

I really need to be focusing and getting ready for my class tomorrow. I need to develop a quiz and update my Parenteral Nutrition Support Lecture. It's 9:00 and I really want to be in bed in the next hour.