Random Thoughts

As always, I know that I am long overdue for a post. Everyday life just continues with us. Sometimes I feel I am just observing life or that I am on a merry-go-round each day. It is fun most of the time... but after a while it can get old.

T and I had a wonderful time this past weekend. We traveled to Wichita Falls with 13 other youth from our church. We had a little retreat with them and completed the program "Generation Change" from Dave Ramsay. It was just so refreshing to be with the teens. They are just *so in the moment* with basically no worries about tomorrow, or even Monday for that matter. It was so good to see T smile from ear to ear at the randomness of teens. I will just remember being in that big white passenger van listening to the youth sing at the tops of their lungs to the radio. Another observation from the weekend is how quickly a van full of teens starts to smell of feet. It was LOL funny to find a toothbrush on the floor next to a backpack, but the baseball hat of the same owner is carefully placed up out of the way to avoid being smashed. It was a boost to the ego when T and I could chime in on an "inside" joke of some boys and completely take them by surprise by knowing what they were talking about. We were asked, "So, you've seen Role Models?!?" ... to which I matter of fact stated "yes," smiled, and left it at that. Finally, I did have a moment of aging when I realized that the Freshmen we were spending the weekend with were born in the year that I graduated from high school! Wow! It really doesn't feel like 15-years ago when I was doing the exact same things they were with my youth group.

On that note, realizing how fast the last 15-years of my life have gone by... then realizing how fast the first 10-years of my marriage have gone by... and saddened by how I feel like I have lost the last 5-years of my life... makes it hard not regress into feeling stuck because we still just continue to wait. At the same time, I try to focus on the things that make me happy. I am very, very proud of the life that T and I have established together. I find comfort in my everyday routine. I love my bootcamp and yoga through a local non-profit organization. I love my little local cross-stitch shop. I love being efficient running errands around town. I like being independent and on our own with our own life. I love all of the relationships and friendships we have.

I did hear back from our social worker and right now our profile is being viewed by 2 or 3 different mothers. I really have no details at all around these mothers. I keep telling myself that is OK, and I am comfortable with having reassurance that this process is "working" and "moving along," relatively speaking. I keep reminding myself that we are only 4-months on the waiting list, we are still early in this process. Right now, I keep referencing that this process, on average, lasts ~18-months. Sometimes longer... sometimes shorter. I have also stopped trying to explain the process or answer, "have you heard anything?" I just politely say, "No, we are just waiting. There is really not much else we can do besides wait." ... and then I give a little smile. How can you explain others that we are right where we should be with the process with just waiting and not knowing too much; technically, we really can't complain and I have decided that I am OK with that. :)

Hmmm... what else is going on? I really need to finalize our taxes, I have never procrastinated getting our taxes done as much, as I have this year. I don't know why because we aren't going to owe anything this year because of all the medical expenses last year associated with the IVF. I really need to get on that... ahh... but all the more things to find and distract myself with.

Also, I am really excited for this weekend. My parents are coming into town for Easter. I am ready for some family time. T and I really mirror a lot of how we approach life after them. They really are our rock, especially in comparison with all the drama and dysfunction on the other side. They are so supportive and interested in us, everyone needs and deserves that kind of support in their life. T and I both enjoy just relaxing, playing cards, completing puzzles, antiquing, and shopping with them. Even thought they are both "busy" people always on the go, we thoroughly enjoy being on the go with them.

Finally, I am making some progress in thinking outside of my "normal" daily job duties and routine on how I can "spice" up my "work" right now, instead of just waiting for our baby to come. I have been nominated to be president elect of my local professional organization, I am thinking about restarting some private practice opportunities again after work, and I am really excited about some of the continuing education programs that I have found. The CEUs are not as cheap as I would like, but I think they are going to be very, very worthwhile and I am excited about furthering my advanced practice skills. Now, the trick is just being very, very careful and finding the time to thoroughly implement, and implement well, all that I want to do.

Right now I think one of the major coping mechanisms for me is to keep busy. I cannot complain because I have *plenty* to keep myself busy with. I continue to thoroughly enjoy my bootcamp and yoga practice... I know that the only way that I can accomplish all that I want to do is continue to take care of myself and T first.

I guess that is it for my life right now. As always, thank you for your continual support in our lives. You do make a difference to us. :) Good Night.