Are we coasting?

Wednesday was a pretty good and productive days for me. I felt like I was slowly but surly getting back into the comfortable swing of my everyday routine. Wednesday was tough morning at bootcamp. My thighs are screaming at me today... I guess that is good. I continue to try to challenge myself with bootcamp and my at home routines so I can these next few pounds and return to the weight I was when we got married. It feels good to be making progress or accomplishing something in my life right now.

I have had a couple of "ah-ha" moments today. I was visiting with a professional friend/acquaintance of T's and mine. He was just supportive and reassuring today when he asked how it was going. He was so reaffirming at how "normal" and "well-adjusted" Tracy and I are through this process. "Trust me, K... I see a variety of people daily through my office who do not have the outlook, ability to cope, or perspective on life that you and T have." That was good to hear that compliment from an outside source... especially someone who typically either sees T or me, we are occasionally together when visiting our friend.

With his statement, I was reminded of a personal promise that I made myself ~5+ years ago when we first started trying to start our family. I was not going to let this process consume me. I was not going to let it consume our relationship. I was not going to let it define my identity. Infertility and family can so often become all consuming... it is a very slow process, but one day you wake up and your identity and purpose in life is gone. Yes, we do experience our grief and frustration daily... but so do many other people in many other and much more difficult circumstances than our own. Getting through this time, I just need to refocus and draw strength again from the promise I made myself and T so long ago.

On that note, the other "ah-ha" moment just came right before this post. We heard back from our social worker... and we are officially "not it" again. Not surprising or unexpected. However, as I was sitting here reading the e-mail... all I could think is how *much* *much* harder this waiting and anticipation of the adoption process is than the infertility treatments were for me. Coming into the adoption process, I was anticipating much of the same roller coaster of emotions, anticipation, and waiting. I was not expecting an much bigger and longer roller coaster of emotions... Well, here we are on this ride of a lifetime.

PS -- I do have a couple more blog posts and themes that I want to explore. I have started composing one that reflects on the meaning of home; and the other idea that is circulating in my head discusses the many faces and roles that I play in my everyday life. FWIW. I am just trying to find the right words to adequately express these future posts. As always, thank you for reading and for all of your support. I know that I have said it many times before, but it is truly the support of family and friends that we have found the strength to not let this time of our lives consume us.