Everyday Life

OK , today started out rough, very rough. One of the challenging aspects of trying to start our family, is that life goes on. We continue with the stress of work in our lives... we continue with the stress of family politics in our lives... we continue with the stress of our daily budget... we continue with all of our daily commitments... we continue with the stress of keeping ourselves healthy. Life continues as "normal," but you have added another element that needs to be balanced, not to mention that it also affects all of the above areas. You are still trying to focus on work, while having to take phone calls from the social worker. You are still trying to focus on each other on the weekend during down-time, but another family member is (in-laws) competing for your time and oblivious to the the life that you have with each other.

Another example of the double edged sword of this process is presented when people are ask us if we are getting our nursery together. It's a "fun" and simple question that is asked. I understand people are asking because they want to share in our excitement and be supportive, which really is appreciated. However, as simple as the question might be, it is difficult for us to answer. We aren't really sure if we are ready to get the nursery around for a couple of reasons. First, the emotional question of, "do we really want an fully furnished nursery "ready-to-go" if there is a possibility for it to be "empty" for another 18+ months before we receive a placement of a child? Secondly, we face the practical question of, "do we really have any extra money our budget while we are paying monthly towards our agency's adoption fees?" On the other hand, we could possibly only have a couple of weeks notice... do we want to be scrambling around in those two weeks trying to get ready for everything? Neither of us really perform well under pressure. Ahh, the pros and cons to everything. :) It seems that everything to this process has both an exciting, sweet side and a realistic, bitter side at the exact same time.

It's also a scary thought of all the money we are having to spend when the economy is not in a good place. All we continue to hear is save, save, save. Because of where we are at in our "everyday life," we are spending. As a compromise, we went out to "window shop" today. We went to see if could find anything that we liked, that was gender neutral, and reasonably priced. We first went to a consignment store, then to Target, and then lastly to Babies R Us. Once again, this was a surreal experience because we were probably the only couple in the store not pregnant, and with really no deadline or due date to work towards. At the end of the day, we did find something we liked and wrote down the prices. Next on my agenda for this evening is to budget in yet another itemized category.

Words of advice often tell you to minimize and simplify... we have minimized a lot over the last several years... however, when will the simplifying part will come? I have no idea. We have sold a car. I stepped down from my Clinical Coordinator position and turned down a potential opportunity for an Assistant Director position. We have had to bypass travel opportunities. We really couldn't entertain the idea of relocating closer back our hometowns. Our current house is not fully furnished. I guess that how you wold describe the glass as 1/2 empty. One of the difficulties with infertility and adoption is that a majority of people don't see the sacrifices that a family must endure. Because it is life as usual, the challenges that you face during this time are often silent and hidden behind the scenes.

Would I refer to my everyday life as 1/2 empty? No, despite everything, I still truthfully consider our life to be at least 1/2 full, if not more. We have grown so much, both personally and as a couple. Every decision that we are making is very intentional and purposeful. We have been able to maintain some flexibility with our daily job schedules to pursue infertility and adoption without having to take too much personally time off. We probably have stayed closer in touch with our families because our "vacation" time is spent with them. We have grown closer to many friends; we have gained new friendships. Our communication skills have become better with each other. We are much better at budgeting our finances. We have remained true to ourselves and what is important in our lives. We have continued to find laughter and focus on that in our lives. That is the bottom line and the most important to us... laughter has never felt better and I will always remember how wonderful it felt, especially during this "thirty-something" phase of our lives.