Back to Reality...

Vacation was wonderful! Very, very much needed. I was kind of dreading today knowing that tomorrow is Monday and we return to where we were at before vacation. We both slept in this morning... very nice. We watched a couple of movies, I then returned to my typical routine on the elliptical. At first, all I could think... back to the grind... then towards the end I felt really good. We got around and then I ran out to do errands. Running around town getting back into my typical routine makes me realize how much this is home to us. It is hard for me to admit how being in Texas is home, but is home for now and that is all that matters. Furthermore, there is nothing like a summer temp of 108 degrees in Texas that puts you in the mood for *real* Mexican food... yum, yum... guess where we are going for dinner tonight? :)

I was dreading stepping on the scale this morning. I had just achieved my latest goal of dropping below the next 10# mark for me the Friday morning before vacation! What timing. I counted calories for the first half of vacation, not so much the second half. We were active during vacation on the lake... but we were also very lazy. I had no idea what to expect after a week of not counting calories, not weighing myself, and no exercise. I was pleasantly surprised that I was only back up to my weight at the end of last Bootcamp. Only 1.5 back up -- the weight I had stabilized at prior to dipping below the next 10# mark. Not too bad, but am motivated now to get back into my normal, healthy routine.

I am dreading returning to work tomorrow. Not sure what to expect. A co-worker who was helping cover for me said that everything went really well and the census is low. Good. Makes it a little easier to return. But I am sure that I will hit the ground running -- I am not too sure if I am ready for the rat race just yet.

Finally... and probably what I am most nervous about... is I need to call our social worker first thing in the morning to set up another phone conversation with a potential birth mom. I am completely excited... but incredibly nervous at the same time. I feel that my heart is guarded... I feel like I am gambling... I feel like I am trying to sell myself... I am afraid of failure because "we" are not "good enough." I know that isn't how this process is or what it is about... but sometimes that is sure what it feels like.

With the routine of returning to my everyday life... I am going to continue to keep myself busy and occupied -- that is the only way I can keep going right now and not put too much thought into the adoption process -- I so despretly want to believe that it will happen soon than later; I can hardly stand the thought that this could continue on for another year or so.

We have a lot of committments over the next 6-8 weeks, which I am looking forward to, but is also stressing me out at the same time. I want to start cross-stitching again. I am currently 1/2 way through a new brainless Nora Roberts book... and loving it (as usual)! What is it about a good cheesy romance novel that is so soothing as well? I still have plans to start a new blog for nutrition information. I am still working on a few household projects. Why can't there be more time during the day?

Anyways, enough of this blog entry for now. Just wanted to get something down to refocus my attention and help settle back into reality. I will keep you all posted... as always, thanks for your support and for reading!