Grief, it does sneak up on you... But that's OK.

I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend last night. She is on modified "bed-rest" and activity restrictions. She is only 12-weeks pregnant. More than likely, her restrictions will increase throughout her pregnancy. She was on "true" bed-rest for 7-months of her second pregnancy.

We were professional friends and acquaintances through work; when we worked together, we realized we had many things in common just through daily conversation and have stayed in touch through the years. Well, about 5-yrs ago, she delivered a beautiful baby girl prematurely at 26-27 weeks (I think). This beautiful baby girl, graced our lives for about ~6-8 weeks before passing away. My friend has since had a wonderful baby boy who is now 3 1/2 yrs old. I really began to get to know E during this time of grief after her first baby passed away. I always admired her and her husband for how graciously and unselfishly they handled their grief. The grief was very evident in their lives... but they had a strong support system in place, and openly acknowledged their grief to others. I am sure they grieved much, much deeper in private than I could ever imagine as well.

E has been so supportive of us during our time of struggling of trying to start our family. It was nice to bounce off my random thoughts and discuss how tough the adoption roller-coaster is. She was so reassuring, calm, and soothing. She just seems to know how to respond. Thank you. I wish that I could be the eloquent in my friendships and time of need.

There was a moment in the conversation in which her Baby Girl was referenced, she really teared up remembering those weeks in the NICU. She commented, "does it ever go away?" I was so taken aback at the rawness of her emotions because every other time we have spoken of her angel, it has always been with strength and purpose. I then couldn't find the words acknowledge or express... I just took her hand a squeezed it. What bothered me the most was that my eyes stayed dry... I was glad that she could talk openly with me about it, I was glad that I was there, I learned something -- the rawness will always remain, it will heal, but it will always be on your heart. But then, I also felt selfish because I realized that I was too tired and drained from life for my emotions to come easily and naturally. I was sad because I wasn't able to grieve with her or provide more reassurance and comfort to her because I didn't have the energy -- it was kind of another surreal experience.

At this time, I truly cannot imagine the mental and emotional strength it takes on a daily basis focusing on taking care of herself and staying positive during having a high-risk pregnancy. E's strength just inspires me in our own journey and unknown future. She is there for me and me for her... Comfort was found and I am looking forward to our future conversations together. I just hope that I can give the support that she needs during the months a head. Please keep E and her family in your prayers and close to you heart over the next 6-months.